Compromised by a T-Rex

Or at least, that's how I feel the day after my first, and possibly my last, full marathon run.

Yesterday, I completed the Philadelphia Marathon.

For those who don't know, a marathon is 26.2 miles long. Why 26.2? Well because some Greek asshole named Pheidippides ran from Athens to the city of Marathon in 490 BC to report "Niki!" or "Victory!"

And in Greek tragedy fashion, Pheidippides dropped dead after delivering the message. That's were the saying "don't pee on the dead messenger" comes from. Okay, I made that last part up.

Technically, that original run by our Greek friend was only 24.85 miles. But in the 1908 Olympic games they tacked on the extra distance so that the runners would end the run in front of the royal family's viewing box. Pompous Brits.

By the end of the run yesterday, I would have paid dearly for those 1.35 miles.

Don't get me wrong... I'm glad I did it. I set the goal to complete a marathon. Started running in the spring of this year. Completed a half-marathon in September and ran the full yesterday. Accomplishing that... totally outweights whatever pain I endured.

However, had I known that I was going to feel like someone dragged me for 26 miles, I might have changed my mind. Probably not though.

The first half of the run went swimmingly. The second half didn't go so smoothly. I felt really great going into the second half but when I neared the 20 mile mark, I hit the wall. It wasn't like I didn't have energy, it was like my legs just said screw it. My hips lost range, my knees ached, and my feet went numb (so at least I didn't feel pain there).

Leading up to the marathon and speaking to people about my endeavor, many had asked "how far is it?" When given the asker "26... point 2 miles," many had the cheeky reply of oh "that point two is going to be a killer." And we all laughed.

But I was far from laughing that last 2/10's of a mile. In fact, I'm pretty sure I limped, staggered, and cried; and, nearly collapsed when I finished... twice.

I am extremely glad that I did it, and finished it. And with the final time of 4:23:23. Now, I can never do it again. But I probably will...

One Flu Over

New studies suggest that sex does, in fact, cure the flu.

[dictated but not read by someone that sounded like a doctor]

Good God, Bad Me?

I've recently been involved in blog post inspiring discussion about religious beliefs. More specifically about atheism and Christianity. I tend to be a little head strong when it comes to my beliefs but for good reason.

People get way too caught up in labels. Labels and categories have a organizational utility that help us to wrap our brains around larger ideas. They come in handy for general understanding but most people get carried away with labeling. Many people get used to identifying a label and forget to understand the meaning.

Couple an overzealous labeling system with the human propensity for fear of the unknown and you get a very predictable result: Atheism is a bad word.

But it shouldn't be.

Merriam-Webster defines atheism as: a : a disbelief in the existence of deity b : the doctrine that there is no deity.

By definition, I am an atheist.

Tell someone that you are an atheist and most of the time you can feel the wall go up between them and you; and in some cases you may see their knee-jerk reaction. This may come in the form of a step back, an eye brow raise or sometimes even the vampire fighting crucifix fingers. The wall goes up because they have a pre-conceived idea of what atheism is and ultimately that you are evil or broken at best.

It's gotten to the point where there is so much prejudice attached to atheism that I tend to soften the blow by labeling myself an agnostic - a term that really shouldn't exist.

And although people misunderstand agnosticism as much as atheism, for some reason people feel more comfortable, more accepting. Because an agnostic is someone who simply claims that they are not certain either way, they are less evil or at least, more able to be fixed.

The Christian ideal to convert is a little brazen. I don't go around trying to get Christians to denounce God (although I will participate in a debate). I suppose the thought is innocent enough. Christian belief that it's their purpose to "save" people. They're not doing it maliciously but there is a gigantic undertone here that is conveniently overlooked. It's the theme of I'm right and you're wrong. You can play with it semantically but it always boils down to I'm right and you're wrong.

Few would argue that God is good and everything that he represents is goodness in it's nature. And the argument seems to follow that the opposite if good is bad or even evil. And if a person does not believe in God, then that is not good, they are not good, and they are potentially evil.

You can be good without God.

For me, God (or religion) is a utility for goodness. Even in my atheist point of view, without God, the world would be shit. Most (and I admit possibly all) people can benefit from having God in their lives. Many people need God in their lives to keep them on the path of goodness. Prayer gives them positive strength. Church gives them the social need of sense of community and belonging. These are all good things in my opinion.

But what if you don't need church or prayer or God for these things? I have awareness to recognize the power of positive thinking within myself. I have the morality to treat people fair and just. I have the belief that I can accomplish most anything if I will it enough. I have friends and social groups to fulfill my need for community.

I am not broken.

At this point in my life, I don't see a place in my life for God. Furthermore, I can't imagine a scenario that this would change. Surely it's possible though. It's also possible that I start believing in and worshiping the Greek Gods. Christianity would be a more likely adoption since it's more prominent in the world around me. But why should that be the deciding factor?

I also refuse to adopt religion on that basis of "what if I'm wrong?" If I were God and people believed in me simply because they were afraid not too, I'd be pissed! Hitler and many other sociopaths had people follow him because they were afraid not too. History has shown that it's just not the way to go.

Besides, belief in a higher power isn't really a switch that I can turn on or off. In fact, I don't believe that it's really a decision at all. It's a serious, if not the MOST important paradigm one can subscribe to and I for one will not become a member all willy-nilly.

If humankind survives long enough, there will come a time when Christianity will be viewed much the same way as Greek mythology. Remember, the ancient Greeks believed in their religion as well. They too fought wars over their beliefs.

I would like to see the day when everyone understands that it doesn't matter what your belief system is, as long as you treat other people kindly and respectfully. You teach your children the same. You lead by example. That's your legacy... what you create that can last longer than you. That can multiply and reach far beyond you. Good will among man. Good memories. After I'm gone, I want people to smile when they think about me. That's my heaven.

The Man in the Mirror

I heard on the radio this morning, someone say that Michael Jackson looked a lot like a canadian white woman. That's hilarious... just like most celebrity deaths.

It cracks me up when people have an emotional response to a celebrity death. To those people: You didn't know him, you never met him, he didn't give a shit about you. So he's dead! Shut the fuck up. People die all the time and you're not broken up about them.

People say "but he was a pop legend" or some shit like that. Right! He was a pop legend and had about a dozen hit songs and his legacy will carry that. He will always have that which is a lot more than what most of us ordinary people will ever have. Face it, we'll probably not have a legacy... unless, of course, you want to count: having kids, sitting in front of a computer, drinking more than you should, shitting four times a day, and not doing a bunch of things that you say you always wanted to do. That's my legacy.

I say it's too bad he didn't die 15 years ago before he started touching little boys. Let's not forget that he was a very fucked up individual. The music lives on; the person is dead. Perfect!

The Cleanse: Days 9 and 10

Day 9 was much the same as day 8 but easier.

Today, Day 10, was only more difficult because of my anticipation to eat regular food.

At 10:00pm tonight, I completed 10 full days of fasting and celebrated with a bowl of organic sweet corn soup and it was awesome!

I'm glad I did the cleanse and even though a few days ago I was thinking I would never do it again, I do believe I will. Maybe it'll be a yearly tradition, who knows.

The Cleanse: Days 6, 7, and 8

The past few days have gotten gradually easier but I'm looking forward to the end of day 10. It'll be nice to actually eat something. Don't get me wrong... I'm not starving. In fact, I'm rarely hungry. And very seldom weak. The only time I've felt weak is when I've gone longer than I should without drinking some of the mix.

Speaking of which, I've decided against calling it "lemonade." It's as much lemonade as it is maple juice or pepper drink. And for anyone curious about how the drink tastes, it's not bad. It's not good but not bad. I would say the initial taste is good but then the pepper kicks in and it has a little burn to it. The maple syrup taste is most prominent and kind of reminds me of one of those honey flavored cough drops.

I did a salt water flush this morning. It and didn't do much. Maybe after 8 days my intestine is close to being clean now.

I've prepared for getting of the cleanse by getting some organic sweet corn soup. I think a day or two of that and then gradually work back into the solids, maybe with a salad or some vegetables.

I definitely look differently at food and even gave my 4 year old daughter a little lecture on wasting food for not finishing her peanut butter crackers. It was never a problem before because Daddy always finished everything but now that I have to throw it away, it pains me.

Two full days left which I'll finish with no problem. Five or six days ago I started thinking that people that did 20, 30, or 40 days of this have to be ridiculously insane. In hind site, I could do it. It's gotten easier everyday. So for those of you that are thinking about doing the cleanse, go into it knowing that those first couple of days are hard... real hard. But every day gets easier.

The Cleanse: Days 4 and 5

Yesterday and today were very much the same. It's gradually getting easier... as in feeling hungry less often. Looking back, the first two days were definitely the hardest.

I've been doing the salt water flush each evening. Yesterday, I learned an important lesson about it: I just used one teaspoon of salt in one 16 oz. glass of warm water and chased it with another pint of water. It had no effect so apparently, not enough salt does not work. Tonight I did two teaspoons in one warm water pint and chased it with another unsalted warm water pint and it had a mild effect (I went twice instead of 4 or 5 times).

So I'm half-way done now. I can't wait to eat some pizza. Oh, weight-wise, I have lost some... how could you not. I didn't weight myself but I can tell by looking so I'm guessing it's been 5 - 10 lbs., but probably closer to 5.

I still do not feel and have not felt weak at all. I feel very good physically. If it wasn't for losing a girlfriend, a job, and my house all in the same week, I'd feel like a King! Alas, I feel hopeful. Good thing for the cleanse. If it wasn't for the cleanse... the challenge and execution of discipline... my mind might be far off.

The Cleanse: Day 3

Hunger today was much more mild. I also didn't "go" even once yet, however I just did another salt water flush 10 minutes ago so hopefully I can finish this blog entry without crapping all over the laptop.

Over all, I don't feel weak and even feel a little more aware.

A thing I like about the cleanse is a new found appreciation food... the slightest bit of food. I made my daughter breakfast for dinner (her and my favorite) and so badly wanted to taste the extra cream cheese on the knife. I have a feeling that I'll never take you for granted again, food.

Another thing I like is the discipline that's required to go on with the cleanse. The practice of will is important for me and right now, I need plenty of it. I couldn't have picked a better time to do the cleanse.

The Clease: Day 2

I've now gone over 40 hours since my last meal and I'm completing day 2 of the cleanse. Most of today has been easier than yesterday... hunger-wise. I also found it easier to drink the mix.

Last night was a first for the herbal laxative tea. It tasted fine and I slept fine - save a few dreams of food and accidentally eating and ruining the cleanse. This morning, a good 2 1/2 hours after waking I had some pretty strong stomach cramps followed by some equally strong diarrhea. Nice huh?

Tonight - about an hour and a 1/2 ago was another first. I did the salt water flush... holy jesus! It came out like water through a hose mouth covered by a thumb. And I crapped about 5 times in an hour and I feel another coming on right now.

Since about 5:00pm, I've been craving food big time. Especially since I helped my daughter with an easy bake cake and then prepared her dinner. Everything looks and smells sooo good! I'm hoping the cravings get better tomorrow!

The Cleanse: Day 1

So, it's been pretty normal so far. I drank about 3/4 of today's mixture at this point. I do feel hungry at times but that seems to subside after not too long. The hunger is more like a craving, similar to what I've read about. I'll think about a particular food and want that, really badly for a good five minutes and then it goes away. I haven't felt overly fatigued or weak. I had expected to. I'm planning on having some of the tea tonight and some of the sea salt in the morning. I'll have to plan it out so I'll not be crapping me-self at work.

The Master Cleanse Mix

I mixed up a 64 oz. mix for each day. It consisted of:

• 12 Tbsp lemon juice - freshly squeezed, organic
• 12 Tbsp maple syrup - grade B, organic
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
• fill the rest with filtered water

How I did it:

1. Juice the lemons - It took about 3 whole lemons each day. 12 Tbsp = 6 oz, if that makes it easier. It was for me so I used 6 oz measurements
2. Add 6 oz of syrup
3. Add 1/2 tsp of cayenne pepper
4. Fill the rest with water

That's it.

What to Buy for The Master Cleanse

This post was posted in hind-site to be a little more helpful for folks looking for information and not just pooping antics.

The following is what I bought for my 10-day cleanse and the approximate cost:

1. Organic Lemons - I bought two bag of them to begin with and the cost about $3 for 5. You'll need about 3 lemons a day. The ones I bought were in fact organic which is good, but they don't have to be. The organic lemons
2. Grade B Maple Syrup - It's important that it's Grade B and organic. Whole Foods seemed to be the best source for the syrup for me. They sell a 32 oz. bottle for about $17. I used two bottles.
3. Cayenne Pepper - Should also be organic but I had a hard time finding it. This container was 2.6 oz and way more than enought. It was about $4.
4. Filtered Water - you can but the bottled stuff but I figured on using it more long term. I picked up a Brita filter that attaches to the faucet. It costs about $25 (but I got a $10 mail in rebate - whew-hew!) If you do buy bottle water, you'll need about 60 oz./day.
5. Herbal Laxative Tea - This was about $8 for a 16 pack.
6. Sea Salt - This big container was about $4 I think. (optional)
7. I also bought this hand juicer for $4.

Grand Total : $18 lemons, $34 syrup, $4 cayenne, $15 water, $8 tea, $4 salt, $4 juicer = $87

A bit pricey but not so much when you consider I'm not consuming anything else in those 10 days. Plus there's all the added health benefits.

A Cleaner New Year

To be honest 2008 was a bit of a doozy for me but what doesn't kill you makes you... different When I look at 2009 I'm raising my chin a little.

I don't do new year's resolutions per se but I am a fan of self-improvement and self-reflection. One of several areas of self-improvement that come to mind is being a little healthier. Mainly, eating better and exercising more (or just some).

So to start it off tomorrow, I'm beginning a 10-day "Master Cleanse." What the F, you ask? The Master Cleanse is what you need to do in order to become a Master of the Universe, if you do it enough. This, you see, is my lifelong goal.

The Master Cleanse was invented in the 1940's by some wackjob named Stanley Borroughs and is also known as "the Lemonade Diet." The cleanse, not Stanley. The diet consists of a concoction of filtered water, freshley squeezed lemon juice, grade B maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. Yes, cayenne pepper.

This cleanse essentially detoxifies the body and has been known to give the beneficiary more energy, better rest, and to cure joint pain and other disease in addition to delivering explosive diarrhea. If that weren't enough, you can supplement the diet twice a day with a sea salt flush (intestinal douching) and/or Herbal Laxative Tea. I choose D - all of the above. I am oddly, really, really, looking forward to this.

I whipped up my first batch tonight for all day tomorrow and it looks heavenly.

I'll keep you posted!