Darth Nader

So the elections over and Obama will be President if he makes it into office without being assassinated. I think we all know the potential of that happening is horrifically plenty. I hope he doesn't. I'm glad he's going to be president. He's a great speaker and seems to be genuine. He has a great story and he very well inspire an entire nation. I was hoping he'd win... but I didn't vote for him.

I voted for Nader.

My brother always seems to forget Nader's first name. "What is it, Garth?" To which I always reply, "no, it's Darth."

I'm proud to say I voted for Ralph Nader... even my four year old daughter knows it. And I don't mind so much that he didn't win or come close to it. That was never my goal for voting for him. Sure it would have been nice. Just as it'll be nice when I finally roll that pencil of the table with my mind. I can dream.

For me, voting for Nader was always about voting for an ideal... voting for what should be instead of what could be. Voting the way that those bastards that wrote the constitution meant for us to vote... for the candidate that we deemed most fit.

A lot of the people I talked to about Nader didn't even know he was running (again). They replied with a chuckle as if to say "that ole coot's at it again?" And do you know why many people didn't know he was running? Money. Because money makes our world go round and the democrats and the republicans have all of it. It's a Duopoly and it sucks. But people are content because they get their drama and still have a choice to side with just like Dancing with the Stars.

But one day the people will get sick of it. One day when it hits their wallets hard or takes enough of their children's' lives through blatant senselessness, the people will change the way the government operates. We have that power. We just need to be motivated enough to use it. Change like that rarely happens all at once because inspiration comes at different times. I'm proud to be a part of it though and I'll keep voting for Nader as long as that ole coot keeps runnin'.

Do yourself a favor and read this post-election letter from Ralph Nader to his supporters:
http://www.votenader.org/blog/2008/11/11/what-we-accomplished-together/

Arrested Development Movie?

Lord, I hope it's true. I implore you, powers that be. Resurrect the greatest comedy sitcom that's ever been. I miss it's deep, dry, wit. Sure, I watch the G4 repeats as much as possible but it's just not the same.

There are rumors flying, apparently started by Jason Bateman. I don't believe every rumor I hear, just the really good and really bad ones. If the rumor is true the movie will be out in 2009. Who knows, maybe with enough interest in the movie, the shitsticks at Fox will decide to bring back the show as well. Hey, it happened to Family Guy!

I was going to start a petition but apparently someone beat me to it. Please sign it and pass it on:
Online petition - An Arrested Development Return in 2009

The Governor and His Precious

She had deep Daddy issues and sought love in places that her father would never, ever approve.

He was a man, once strong with convictions. But the very power he sought overtook and corrupted him.

Sound familiar?

This isn't the first time this has happened.

The story's parallel draws me to the following proposal: there was the affair between lady Arwen and Smeagol too seedy for even J. R. R. Tolkien to write about. Too seedy for Tolkien but not too seedy for Governors and hookers.

What are you here for?

Saturday morning, I stopped by the Wawa gas station in Souderton, PA (also known as Souder Rico).

I was in the process of pumping my $55.09 worth of fuel when I spotted a curious trove at the base of the pump. It was a burned CD labeled with the standard black sharpie as "What are you here for?

"Gas," I scoffed back at the CD, "duh."

But it got me thinking...

What was that CD doing there? Had someone not loved it enough? Had someone loved it so much that it needed to be shared? What this CD put there By Design?

I couldn't risk not answering the call. I picked it up, cleaned it off and played it when I got back in the car.

I wasn't surprised to learn that it was a CD put out by a Christian fundamentalist group. Every other track was a fella speaking and the tracks in between were music-ish. It opened with the man speaking. His message worked right away because the first words out of my mouth were "oh dear God."

And then I took a step back (figuratively because I was still driving) and tried to approach this with an open mind. Well, the music tracks were just awful . The inspiration track were at least snack for thought and dare I say, blogworthy.

This voice was informing me that the only way to true salvation was through accepting the Lord Jesus Christ as the son of God and as my savior. He (the voice) told me that this is the only way into heaven which is a perfect place. He quoted many passages from the bible and stated that he knows it's the truth because the bible tells us so. The CD seemed to be aimed at someone like me who may be on the fence about the existence of God.

This man's whole theory was based on what's been printed in the bible, which has been translated. And this was a powerful theory - in the way that accepting this theory would change the way you live every day. For someone that may be questioning His existance, that's a pretty serious leap of faith. But I guess that's kind of the point.

I began to imagine the peace of mind that someone with that kind of faith would have. Maybe you do, but I certainly do not. Imagine the soothing feeling of knowing that no matter what happens in this life, no matter how much you screwed up, there is a place in heaven for you to spend the rest of eternity.

Whether God or Heaven exists doesn't even need to exist to accomplish this peace. And if you believe and it turns out you're wrong, you're just going to be dead anyway so it won't really matter except that you were able to live your life in peaceful but ignorant bliss.

It would seem that "believing" should be an obvious no-brainer... and an avenue that I would prefer, but even still I can't. I will always question and I will always live in a state of discontention. It would seem that in the search for something deeper than God, that I'm stuck with seeking enjoyment in the more temporal things of life like love, friendship, parenthood, laughter, art, drinking, dancing, and a satisfying career. And I can only wish that I'll achieve as close as I can come to eternity by making my impression during this life.

A Tiny Tale of a Fruitful Future

I recently read a book that I highly recommend. It's all about industrial expansion and the over expenditure of natural resources and the effects on the environment - from the business owner's point of view. It also talks about motivation for change and how we can all make a difference.

It's called The Lorax by Dr. Seuss. Okay, so it's a kids book.

What's wrong with this country? You are.

Most people would say that there's something wrong with this country. And there are - a lot of things. Whenever I think about government systems, issues, and people, one of the first words that come to mind is convoluted. Maybe it's just my limited vocabulary but I really don't think so. There are a lot of aspects of our country that in it's processes have caused it to become a twisted version of what it should be.

Despite widespread frustration with our government, the fact is we live in the best country in the world. When Jefferson, Franklin, and Adams were contriving the constitution they had the foresight to add a few key ingredients.

One being that this is a country "of the people." It is ruled by the citizens of this country. It's government officials are elected by the people. The people of this country have a voice unlike anywhere else in the world.

Another key ingredient is that our constitution is not fixed in stone. Sure we have laws - we need laws - otherwise we'd live in fear and chaos. But if a law should be changed, it can be changed. That's an amazing power.

Put that together you we have a powerful voice of the people that can change the country. We have the power to put into office, candidates who can dramatically effect change. It's a great responsibility but that's what voting is all about. Your vote is your voice.

Too often lately, people are using their vote to choose the lessor of the two evils: "I don't want Hilary to win so I'm voting for Obama." Or, there's apathy: "It doesn't really matter who I vote for so why bother?" Or they figure that they should at least vote for someone that has a shot of winning: "I'd vote for Nader, but he doesn't have a shot in Hell of winning."

And that's where I'm really going with this. There is a fundamental flaw with this line of thinking. That's not the way this country was meant to run. Jefferson is rolling over in his grave. You're not supposed to just vote for, or against, the person that has the best chance of winning. You're supposed to vote for the best candidate in your opinion. That's your voice.

If the country is convoluted it's because your voice is distorted. It's muffled or half-ass. You've got a fake accent. You're slurring.

When so many people choose to vote based on the popular vote, or fail to vote for the best candidate, that's when our systems go wrong. People become more apathetic. They think all politicians suck so they might as well pick the winner. Like it's American Idol or something. This isn't for entertainment, it's your voice in democracy. Exercise it.

As I advocate my support for Ralph Nader, I hear more and more people give lame excuses. I ask people if they've heard Nader speak about issues. People that have tend to agree with most if not all of what he has to say - much more than most other politicians at least. If they have a reason for not supporting him in the election, it's usually that they don't want to throw their vote away or something along those lines.

Nader is running for the fourth consecutive presidential election. I think the most support he's ever gotten was about 1 percent of the vote. But he keeps running! The man is not a lunatic and he's not an idiot. He's extremely intelligent. He's a consumer advocate that's been a huge, successful part of fighting on citizens' side of pertinent issues. So what would keep an intelligent person like Nader running for president time and time again despite the odds?

It's passion. For me, he embodies the ideals and passion for democracy that every American should. Despite the odds, he keeps throwing his hat in... because he can and because he has something to say.

Sooner or later, the politician will listen or new politicians will rise with the voice of the people. Every vote does count. If you don't think so, ask Al Gore who lost Florida in 2000 by 543 votes. In that election Nader received 97000 some odd votes. And shame on the a-holes who blame Nader for losing that election for Gore. Are you really going to blame a man, who has the right, and a voice to be heard, for running for president of the United States? Get your priorities in order, my friend.

He probably won't win again but I'm glad he's running. If he didn't run again - I never would have heard his voice. For every vote cast in his support, Americans are saying "this is what I want." We're saying that other politicians should embody these characteristics... and if they don't, they're not getting my vote.

So the next time you complain about this country and you want to point the finger at someone, ask yourself what kind of citizen you are. Are you voting defensively or are you voting for a candidate who embodies your ideals?

www.votenader.org

These Politics Make Me Want Ralph

No I didn't forget the "to," at least not this time.

This morning on Meet the Press, Ralph Nader spoke about his running for President in 2008.

I vaguely remember Nader running in the last presidential election but I couldn't have told you anything about him other than that he was an Independent. Unbeknownst to me, he's run in the last three presidential elections.

I listened to him for a few minutes and I was hooked. This is a man, like Obama, who cuts to the chase. But speaks with more substance than Obama. He speaks about issues directly and from a citizens perspective. What's more, he's independent so he doesn't have every asshole with an interest feeding his pockets.

Nader's been around for a long, long time and has been integral in many public interest groups like OSHA and the EPA. This will be the fourth election that Nader will be running in. His votes for the three past elections combine to half of a drop in the bucket. One has to wonder why he would continue to bother. Is this guy nuts?

Apparently, he's not nuts. He is extremely committed to his ideals. Ideals like holding our government accountable. Like exposing the two-party system for it's convolution. He seems to talk about what everyone else is thinking. If ever there was a person who really could implement change, this is the guy.

But can he make a difference? Would voting for him be "throwing a vote away?" Does he really think he can win? And why hasn't he gotten more votes?

I'm not really sure but I admire his persistence. I have to believe that whether a person wins an election or not, simply casting your vote and having it counted makes a difference. When a politician is supported by a vote it lets the rest of politicians know that there is something to be learned about what the American people want.

I believe that it's our civic duty to cast a vote for candidate that each of us feels is best suited for the job, regardless of whether we think he or she will win. Even if you're writing someone in, you are still practicing an ideal which this country was founded one. It's your right.

Vote without fear of a cast in vain. Who knows... if enough people stand for what most of us feel, we might just see the fruits of our democracy - the way it was meant to be.

www.votenader.org

Obama's Been Leadin'

And frankly, I'm glad.

Most politicians piss me off. Obama seems different... more like me... but more tan.

Just look at the way he's pointing. Why I pointed like that, myself today.

I've never been much into politics in the past. I also grew up assuming that systems much larger than myself just work. Large systems like corporations, phone networks, and governments have so many people involved that it would be damn near impossible for something to go wrong... or at least unplanned. I suppose I believed that these systems were always masterminded from the get-go and delivered perfectly.

As I age, my naive candy shell is melting away. I'm only beginning to see the tomfoolery that goes on in these systems every day.

Those of you who know me also know that I can be a little slow off the start. A prime example would be my subscription to the idea that a multi-level marketing company would inevitably turn me into a millionaire. I believed it deeply enough to sell myself an insurance policy. By the way, that was the only insurance policy I sold. Thanks for the support, fuckers!

I guess I really want to believe that things are exactly as great as people say they are. I'm learning though...better late than never.

So, in light of my slow-motion epiphany, I've become attracted to the idea that people can affect the way the government is run. Notice that I didn't say "change," I said "affect." The government is one of the largest systems of which we are all a part. We are directly influenced by the government and all of it's screwed up policies every day.

As convoluted as the government systems are, the good part is that they can and will change. Change is inevitable and we get to help affect that change by who we put into office. As corny as it may sound... it's our American right.

We should thank President Bush 43 for showing the country how much a government leader can screw things up. By the way, I voted for Bush - both times. I figured that I should be republican so that's how I voted.

Rather than vote by the party, I'm voting on character. Not that you can tell with all certainty who has the best character. It's more of an art than a science. And art can be different for everyone. For me, Barack speaks like he's a real person and not a politician. He has a way to trim the bullshit off of an issue and cut to the chase. There's already enough bullshit out there.

Obama '08, Oh snap!

Let me finish your birch beer awhile?

Shawn Blatt and I have, on a few instances, had in-depth discussion about the extent at which we detest the sometimes irresponsible use of the word "awhile."

If you don't know what I mean, allow me to explain. There is a large populous out there frequently and flagrantly misusing the expression "awhile" as part of a phrase to describe an event that has a definitive beginning and end.

This was first brought to my attention by Shawn who years ago had told me that his own father was one of these offenders. Mr. Blatt would often use phrases like "Shawn, why don't you go wash up awhile before dinner." This would confuse young Shawn, and rightly so...

While my assumption was a misuse of the word, maybe I'm wrong. Did Shawn's Dad didn't have a finish to the task in mind? Maybe he was planning on ending Shawn's task prematurely...leaving him baffled and soapy. Or, possibly Shawn was being notified that dinner may still be hours away and he could leisurely enjoy a thorough washing... for awhile. Maybe take time to get the fingernails and cuticles....an amateur manicure of sorts.

Another instance happened to me the other day when I was out for breakfast with my brother, Jake. The waitress came to check on us one more time before proclaiming "I'll just leave the check here, awhile," placing the bill on the table. I wasn't sure whether to spit or to rejoice. I decided to take my time and enjoy a few more cups of coffee. If there was a chance that she may take the check back after awhile, then time was on my side. The fate of the check could be anything. And it worked... Jake took the check and paid it. Was this the waitress' plan the whole time? Was she psychic?

This seems to be a Pennsylvania Dutch thing. Like eating pretzels, wearing navy blue clothes, or drinking birch beer. I'm not sure about it's meaning or origins but if they're not psychic, I think those damn dutch should show a little more commitment to their windows of time.

Creepy Cats

Today, while in a convenience store at 8th and Bainbridge, I came across a greeting card rack. One card really caught my eye and instantly reminded me of my friend Paul. Not because Paul is a cat, or a merman, or even a fisherman. This image embodies the creepy random ambiguity that we all know and love Paul for.

I took note of the artists name and looked him up on the interweb (sb).

The artist is Don Roth and here's his web gallery:
http://kool-kats.com/gallery.ivnu

You MUST look over the chaos that is his artwork.

I found this other painting that has to be the creepiest goddamn thing I've ever seen. I don't recommend staring at it for more than 4 seconds... You'll want to, but don't. You mustn't.

Sudoku my ass! (Pre-TP)

I'm not sure what bugs me more... the fact that a publishing company didn't take the time to look over their Sudoku puzzle book before they published and sold it... or the fact that I DID take the time to write to the publishing company.

My disappointment in myself didn't occur to me until shortly after I sent the letter off to the publisher. Then it occurred to me that I should share my disappointment with some friends through an email. Then it occurred to me that I should share my email through this blog. Feel free to email this blog...

There it went:

My friends, I've hit a low. I actually just wrote an unhappy letter to a publishing company. They put out a sudoku puzzle that I work on while I'm taking a shit twice a day.

It's not even a good - angry letter. I wrote it like a pussy. I actually had in my mind that I wanted to establish myself as a reputable person who does sudoku puzzles. The whole time I'm thinking about how Chainsaw wrote to the manufacturer and got all those cool shades for free!

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Here's the letter:

Dear Bendon Publsihing International,

I am an avid Sudoku player and I've been working on your Volume 11 edition. I've come across several mistakes in the puzzles. The solutions in the back of the books are always correct but many of the puzzles are incorrect where the numbers have been pre-filled. I've seen the same number in the same row, column, or grid. And I've also gone through much of a puzzle to find that numbers have been pre-filled in an impossible orientation rendering it unsolvable.

It takes away from solving a puzzle if you're wondering if the puzzle that you're doing CAN be solved at all. Even if it's just a few of the puzzles, the discrepancies take away from the credibility and enjoyment as a whole. I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill but if the puzzle book was meant to deliver challenge and enjoyment, then you've missed the mark.

I just wanted to be sure that the issue was brought to your attention. Hopefully, more care may be taken in the future to ensure correctness of your published material.

Regards,
Mike Mawby

It feels good to punch a drunk person.

A friend of mine sent me an article about a guy that just wanted to hit someone, just once. My friend said that it reminded him of me. There's a good reason for that.

You see, except for trading the occasional punch with my older brother and a brief scuffle I got into in 8th grade when I challenged a guy at the bus stop who had been bullying me, I had never been in a fight. That little scuffle in 8th grade ended with the guy hitting me once in the eye and refusing the fight anymore because he hit me so hard that my eye immediately swelled to the size of a golf ball.

I always regretting not really being in a fight and often wondered what kind of damage I could do to someone. A few years ago I even worked out in a boxing gym in South Philly to try to get pugilistic practice. I did "okay" sparing with some other people but ultimately stopped boxing because I felt myself getting dumber. Still, I had never really got into a real fight before... until last year.

Two good friends of mine and I hit the local convenience store after a night of poker. We were looking for some good eats and I chose my traditional croissant. I had purchased my croissant and was casually eating it near the counter as my compadres continued to browse.

In walked two young guys who had obviously had a good night of partying. Being in a good mood myself, I began cracking jokes with the guys as they continued purchasing all of the old tequitos from the hot dog cooker. I made a witty remark about how they should go ahead and call the ambulance for after they polished off all the tequitos and how their heart attacks would certainly ensue.

One of the guys seemed to enjoy my wit while the other suddenly took offense and asked me if there was some place else I should be. To which I replied that I had already purchased my croissant and was just waiting for my friends. Having sensed the guys agression in his questioning, I finished by asking his permission to continue waiting where I was.

The guy got lippy and I got even lippier back. He starting taking off his jacket, to which I replied "you don't have to take your jacket off for me to kick your ass." Having an apparent advantage over the other guy, I felt liberally confident in my words and continued by giving him warning to calm down.

He shoved me once and prompted me to hit him. Meanwhile, the clerk was calling the police and one of my friends had noticed the scuffle and came over. I handed him my glasses and proceeded to tell the guy not to touch me again. He didn't listen and shoved me once again.

I put my hands up and started approaching him. I felt my adrenaline kick in and and knew that this was it. This was my chance. I had waited years to righteously hit someone that really deserved it.

As I walked forward, my opponent threw a sloppy right hand that missed, leaving his right side open. Croissant in my left hand, I threw two left jabs that landed solid, with the second jab snapping his head to the right and throwing him off balance. His hands dropped and I saw the opening to bring it home. I came forward with a hard right that landed solidly across his mouth. Immediately before he fell into a paper towel display I saw his tooth fly. God, did it feel good.

Knowing that the police were probably en route, I knew that we had to leave right away. I still wasn't wearing my glasses and thus was basically blind. I signalled my buddies to exit promptly and headed out to the car.

Looking back to the convenience store, I saw my friends approaching fast. As my friend approached, I noticed at the last second that it wasn't my friend at all. It was the guy that I just dropped, charging at me, head first. At the last second, I dropped my shoulder into his stomach and lifted him hard enough to flip him over my shoulder so that he landed in the parking lot on his back behind me. That felt almost as good.

He stumbled up and prompted me to continue fighting. While bleeding from his mouth profusely, he continued to punch wildly, even landing a few half-ass punches as I explained to him that he just got his ass kicked and the police were likely on their way and thusly it would be a good idea for both of us to leave promptly. His friend agreed and we all left quickly.

I went to the car, put my glasses on, drove home and finished my croissant that never left my left hand. That night, I was the most powerful man in the universe.